Quick Sips - Fantastic Stories of the Imagination May 2015

Normally I don't think of flash fiction as anything under 3,000 words, but that's how Fantastic Stories of the Imagination defines the form and so here are two more "flash" fiction pieces. Really I'm just teasing (though really, the first story is not flash), because both stories are once again good and both science fictional looks at the future, at two young women who are trying to figure out their place in the scheme of things. The stories offer two different views of the future, two different dilemmas, but they both share some common things. Mostly, they're about being open to change, about not being stuck with tunnel vision. One story shows the protagonist finding this out, the other shows the protagonist with maybe some more learning to do. But both are interesting and I guess I should just get to it!

Quick Thoughts - Community and Me

I want to talk (write?) about community today. Because I find that, as an introvert and someone living kind of out-of-the-way, that community is rather difficult to find, difficult to maintain. I know, I know, I have this blog and all, but don't be fooled—I am rather terrified of people. I walk the weird line between I was always the person raising my hand in class to I was also the person always incapable of talking to people outside of class. Probably no surprise there. But as I'm going to be off to WisCon this next week, I figured I would talk a little bit about things in regard to trying to fit in somewhere in SFF.

I discussed a bit last week one of my forays into community that…did not go exactly as I had wanted. Which, really, probably sums up an awful lot of my attempts to find somewhere to belong. Which probably sums up a lot of people's attempts to find somewhere to belong. Especially in SFF. In some ways, SFF is the land of outcasts, or at least can seem that way at times. Growing up, it was a love of things SFF that helped me to escape and imagine a better world, a world where I wasn't afraid and awkward and could feel some measure of freedom and respect. I think that's why many people end up in SFF, because it captures that hope for somewhere to belong. But obviously, feeling outcast isn't a one size fits all sort of thing.

My wanting a place to belong is not at all the same as someone turning to SFF as an escape from an abuse situation, from an unsafe world. My feeling outcast walked hand in hand with growing up in a privileged situation. I was still safe. I didn't get beat up. I didn't get threatened. I was just…lonely. And maybe in need of figuring myself out. But SFF was still where I turned to try and find a place to belong. As many do. The thing is, I think that also makes SFF a place where many people who have been outcast from various other groups turn around to find outcasts that they can in turn make further outcasts. Look at the Puppies. Most of them would probably say that they are the wounded party. Most would say that they were just trying to have a place of their own, that they are trying to save SFF.

Only SFF isn't one thing. It isn't one group. There are a great many groups within it. And so when I tried to find people who shared my interests, I did. But bonding over a love of SFF is…well, it's great and all but obviously there are a great many flavors of love for SFF. And mine…well, I brought t his up in my Destroying SF Quick Thoughts that it hasn't always gone well. Instead of being a bastion for the outcasts, some parts of SFF seem very much "conform or be punished." I mean, there is an entire "do not read list" put out by GG and the harassment and abuse some authors and fans have to endure because of their interests and passions is just terrible. So to say that sometimes SFF can be a scary place is to put it mildly.

But thank Glob for the internet and second chances. Though there are some scary factions of SFF out there, there are also many amazing talents and voices and groups and sites that are doing great work at helping people express themselves safely. For every community that I joined and then rather fell out of, there were others that I could join. Or lurk around. I swear probably a big reason I don't get more into fandom and online communities is I'm afraid I will pour myself into it and then it will all blow up in my face. Because I have a tendency to want to do A LOT when I join a thing. This can be very good. This can also be very not-so-good, because if for whatever reason I get disappointed with what I'm doing or feel like what's the point I tend to crash and burnout. Which can be tough when interacting with people is intimidating.

But I keep trying. I really like what I'm doing here at Quick Sip and with Nerds of a Feather and just in general. And there is definitely a part of me that wants more and more but because of time I am trying real hard to be careful with what I sign up for. Still, I love the connections. The feeling of community. I had a great time at WisCon last year despite pretty much being a turtle the entire time. It was great fun and I hope to do more this year. And who knows, maybe next year I'll try to be on a panel or something.

Anyway, there are my rambling thoughts out ahead of WisCon. Please excuse any weirdness these next two weeks as I will be trying to keep up with reviews. Trying. Not so sure about the succeeding. But thanks for reading!

All the best,

Charles Payseur

Quick Sips - Apex #72

This month's Apex seems to be a lot about the stories that we tell ourselves, the stories that cover over the truth. At least the fiction definitely seems that way. There are literal stories that cover up uncomfortable truths, both through the suppression of memories and through the "misremembering" of events. But there is also a drive to face the truth, to face the past head on and deal with it. That it's necessary for moving on, for getting better. In all the stories there is a sense that the characters need to face their mistakes, that they are stronger than their guilt or grief, that they can do something. And, of course, the poetry is amazing. A solid issue, so let's get to it!

Art by Beth Spencer

Quick Sips - Crossed Genres #29 Failure

This month's Crossed Genres has the theme of Failure. It's an interesting theme to see played out because of how broad and vague it is, but here are three stories that capture different aspects of it. I like that two of them feature failed relationships, though. Because in those failures there is also something else. A failure to cave to the dominant narrative. A failure on the part of the women in the relationships to be defined by the men who acted on then. In the one, a woman whose husband ran off with another woman refuses to let her remaining life be defined by that failed marriage. In the other, a woman who was killed refuses to let the narrative of her death be hijacked and used by her boyfriend. And in all three stories, the failures that are experienced really only open the door for a greater sort of victory. So yeah, let's get to it!

Quick Sips - The Dark #8

Another issue of The Dark continues to really live up to its name, offering four original stories that deliver with the dark and creepy. The first story is, I suppose, the only one of the stories that I would consider scary, but the other three are unsettling and dark in their own ways. And the last two are rather thematically linked by being about children and the horrors of being a parent. And, now that I think of it, the first story has some elements of parenting in it as well. Hmm. Well, it makes for an interesting set of reads, so let's get to it!

Art by Angus Yi

Quick Sips - Clarkesworld #104

This is rather a loaded issue of Clarkesworld. With five original stories, two of them translations, it's a bit longer than a normal issue. Plus, the stories themselves aren't by and large short (two of them coming in over 7k). But it's also loaded in the sense that it packs quite the emotional kick. Rare is it that I'm confronted with so many touching stories all in the same issue. So a very good month for the publication, plus a piece of nonfiction that takes an interesting look at the craft of creative writing. Enough talk, though—to the reviews!

Art by Julie Dillon

Quick Thoughts - Still Here

So recently I stepped back from one of the things I've been doing for a little over a year now. I don't really want to say what it is because I don't want to name names. It was definitely a learning experience and it probably made me better at doing a lot of things but it was rather case and point why being part of a group in SFF can be…a bit fraught at times. And it made me look at my own personal responsibility in associating with a group that does not always do things that I am comfortable or okay with. It made me look at my own moral culpability in everything the group did, no matter how much I was vocally opposed to it.

Now, by and large, things start because they seem like a good idea. And, to be honest, by and large I still don't regret the time I spent with the group. Kinda. Sorta. It's complicated. Like many people no doubt do, I joined because I felt a lack. I wanted to participate in something, to be a part of something, and I saw a chance and took it. I was accepted and I was super thrilled to be a part of it. The complicated-ness of it, though, started pretty early and never quite left. I felt I could basically say my opinion, but it was always under the umbrella of other opinions. And I could not stop others in the group from doing…some things I did not agree with at all.

And the group did teach me a lot. Perhaps not always in the ways it intended, but it taught me all the same. Unfortunately, the more I did the more I was reminded that the group wasn't really for me. The more I did the more I realized that the discussions I was having did not leave me excited to be a part of SFF. They did not fill that lack I felt that made me join the group. I dreaded discussions. I dreaded feeling like yes, I could say my piece, but that I'd be hammered at by other members of the group until I stopped talking. That my opinion, my feelings, would at best garner a "let's agree to disagree." So what did I do? Well, I will admit that I strayed a bit. Like an employee not letting their work know they're seeking alternate employment, I applied elsewhere. But oh, the guilt.

I don't feel like a particularly strong person. I feel constantly filled with conflict and worry. I didn't want to be some sort of cheat or traitor. I didn't want to let the group down, despite that the group kinda made me feel like crap. And so when I found other groups, and when I started this blog, I stuck around in that original group because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I didn't want them to think I didn't like them. I didn't want to be ungrateful for being given the chance to be a part of something that was my first step into SFF discourse. I kept working, but I got quieter in the discussions. I took on less things to do because I was doing more elsewhere.

And then my work situation changed a bit and I've had less time and cannot keep up with everything I was doing. I was faced with the prospect that I had to step back from something. Now, I hold no great illusions. This blog gets probably a decent amount of traffic for what it is, but I'm not winning any awards. It's just a place to get out my thoughts on the stories I read. And the poetry and some of the nonfiction. Because that's what I want to do. But it reaches less people than this other group. So in all fairness I should have stopped my Quick Sip Reviews and accepted that I didn't have time for it.

And I agonized this for an extra month while still trying to do everything. My partner is amazing and has helped tremendously but cannot, unfortunately, fabricate time itself, and I came to the point where I had to look at why I didn't want to make the call. And it was because I knew in my heart of hearts that I couldn't give up this blog. It does way more for my mental health than that other group. It's what I want to be doing. So I stepped back from the other group instead. And oh, the guilt. But I hope that will fade. I hope that I've made the right call.

And this brings me just a little bit to my point. That SFF is a right fucked up place sometimes. There are many roads to it, many reasons for being drawn to it. They don't always fit the dominant narrative, and I think that's what it needs more of. Obviously there's going to be some backlash. It's really obvious in some places but in others it's a bit more subtle. And for those who are approaching green, without guides and without much support, it can be easy to feel that SFF is not a place you'd want to belong. For those who enter into groups only to suffer for it, I can completely understand the urge to just want to check out entirely. But I, personally, am glad that I stuck around at least long enough to find better groups and better spaces. I'm glad I'm still here.

And thank you, everyone who's bothered to read these reviews, for making the decision to choose what I wanted over what I felt obliged to do that much easier. It wasn't easy. Like, at all. But that there are some people out there reading these reviews and sometimes commenting and generally just being awesome makes doing this something I want to keep doing. So thanks for reading!

All the best,

Charles Payseur