Quick Bonus - Anthology Thoughts: Octopus Edition

Every so often I think of a rather random theme for a short SFF anthology, pretty much when I feel I've read some sort of critical mass of stories that would fit. Today, I'm back with my anthology thinking cap on to bring you a list of stories featuring everyone's favorite cephalopods--the octopus! And okay, maybe not everybodies, but still, they're cute and crafty and classics of SFF. Now, because they're classics it might seem that there's too many stories to include. And indeed, there have been whole anthologies in the past that have included a similar theme, and indeed there was an Octopus Anthology released back in 2013 called Suction Cup Dreams, edited by David Joseph Clarke. But that was a long time ago, especially in octopus years. So join me in highlighting some of my favorite octopus-themed stories from the recent(ish) past!

“Squeezing and Entering” by Noe Bartmess (Translunar Travelers Lounge #2; My Review)
Caesar is part of the octopus Resistance, and if that wasn't enough to get you hooked on this story, then I'm sorry for you. He's also got a separate personality for each limb and the resuly is weird but also hilarious!

“Octo-Heist in Progress” by Rich Larson (Clarkesworld #146; My Review)
I think we can all agree that Pico is an octopus after our own hearts. The story is fun with a tight-paced plot that hinges on, you guessed it, a heist involving an octopus. Not, mind you, a heist of octopuses.

“Tool-Using Mimics” by Kij Johnson (Clarkesworld #138; My Review)
Probably the strangest and most formally challenging of the bunch, this one doesn't involve an octopus but a picture of a "squid girl." The piece builds around survival and adaptation, and the loss of having to spend so much energy on avoiding societally-reinforced dangers and toxicities.

“Only the Messenger” by Emily C. Skaftun (Beneath Ceaseless Skies #299; My Review)
Astrill is a kind of octopus from a planet where his people are the dominant species. He now travels through space as an engineer in a setting where both reincarnation and faster-than-light communication are a thing, though the later ends up being part of an enormous conspiracy...

"Some Remarks on the Reproductive Strategy of the Common Octopus" by Bogi Takács (Clarkesworld #127; My Review)
In a complex and powerful take on "uplifted animals," the narrator of this story is a sentient octopus on an alien world who finds a human, opening up a lot about the history of both peoples. It's charming but doesn't shy away from some difficult topics. (more recently appeared in the amazing The Trans Space Octopus Congregation from Lethe Press)

"Song of the Krakenmaid" by JY Yang (Lackingtons #8; My Review)

Definitely the most sensual of the bunch so far, and not involving an octopus exactly but a kind of octopus-merperson who is found and brought in to research. The piece touches on longing and environmental exploitation and is all kinds of good.

Honorable Mention:

“The Last Stellar Death Metal Opera” by Elly Bangs (Escape Pod #697; My Review)

This is a complete cheat because the octopuses are never seen, but rather are on a planet that the narrator is trying to save from destruction (by becoming a sacrifice). But despite the only-tangential inclusion of octopuses, it's a good story and so I'm sticking it here.

Anyway, I know this is rather random, but it's something I was thinking about recently. Cheers!

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Talking About Short SFF (ep 001: Writing for Markets)

Hey everyone! Instead of a review today I wanted to share the transcript to a recent audio thing I did covering a short SFF topic: writing for specific markets. The full audio can be found on my Patreon. Just fyi, it's thanks to my patrons and their amazing support that I am able to do projects like this, and if you find what I do valuable and want it to continue, please consider joining them and becoming a patron. Not only will you get exclusive access to special reviews and fictions by me, but you help me continue to keep up Quick Sip Reviews at the level it's at now, and even grow what I do into new areas, like audio! Okay, so full transcript after the bump!

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #9: WELCOME TO CAMP NIGHTMARE

People, remember when I said that last book marked something of a turning point in the series, where Stine seems to have just given up trying to some degree? I’m happy to report that my suspicions have more or less been completely confirmed! This book is...well, it represents a further stepping away from the weird-infringing-on-our-world feeling of the early books, or even the horror-lurking-in-the-hidden-corners-of-the-world themes of the strangest of these books so far. And Welcome to Camp Nightmare certainly starts things out as if it’s going to play ball nicely, it proves to be something of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, to lay it on thick.

But first thing’s first. I’m drinking. Given then ending of this book, I’m drinking A LOT. I started with some regular Leinies a while ago and have now refined my palate with some IPA from Blue Oskars Brewing, which is pretty good. If I make it that far some Java Lava and bourbon is on the horizons after this, so forgive me if I descend into incomprehensibility. So now that you’ve been warned, onward to the book!

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #8: THE GIRL WHO CRIED MONSTER

So we can all agree that Goosebumps is a pretty weird series, right? I mean, last time we saw a story that revolved around sibling jealousy and also ancient wizard-curses. But I feel that, by and large, the series has been pretty tame so far. Yes, there have been plant-men and vampire ghosts and evil mad scientist magicians, but... I think through all of this, the horror of the stories was still largely based so that the reader was uncertain if the magical or weird elements was truly happening. In essence, that the stories all operated on the hope that the readers would, like the characters, try and find ways to explain away the weird, and that they could not was where the horror sprang from. Why do I bother mentioning this now? Well, dear readers, SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO OFF THE RAILS!

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #3: MONSTER BLOOD

(this post originally appeared on my Patreon. For those unaware, the series finds me drunkenly reading and reviewing the children's book series, Goosebumps. To date, I'm far enough ahead in the series that I'm making all of the older reviews freely available on Quick Sip Reviews. I hope you enjoy!)

Welcome to the third installment of drunken Goosebumps reviews! And check out that new graphic! Thanks to everyone who voted! I'm rather partial to Scaredy-Liver at the Hip Bar myself, so was quite chuffed to see that other people seemed to like that one, too. I'm also quite chuffed that we've arrived at #3 in the Goosebumps series, Monster Blood! This was actually what I would tell everyone was my favorite Goosebumps when I was little. Why? Because the cover is blue and green. Seriously, I was a weird kid, because I obviously forgot about 90% of this one before picking it up again. The result? MADNESS! You thought the first two books in the series were weird. Are you ready for a magical, sentient, child-endangering (evil) cat? Or a bullying B plot that culminates in endless nightmares and probably endless counseling? Good, because HERE WE GO!

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #2: STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #7: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #6: LET'S GET INVISIBLE!

Can I just say that I love that these titles feel the need to use exclamation points. Like LET'S GET INVISIBLE would have been too weak and dull. No, fuck that! the book seems to say. If we're doing this then WE'RE FUCKING DOING THIS!!! I mean, it makes a certain amount of sense when you've got death in the mix. SAY CHEESE AND DIE! seems like less an overstatement, same with TICK TOCK, YOU'RE DEAD! But...getting invisible just doesn't have the same weight to it. The same need for that exclamation point. Maybe if it was LET'S GET INVISIBLE...TO DEATH! I could more fully behind it. As it is, and especially with how this book turns out, that exclamation is a promise that the book does not follow through on.

Quick Sip Reviews Twitter AMA/Recstravaganza

I'm excited to announce the Quick Sip Reviews Twitter AMA/Recstravaganza for 7/9/2017!

I'm going to be holding a bit of an event in order to raise awareness of my Patreon and really just to have some fun connecting with people. The idea is that I will be available on Sunday, July 9th, for the world to ask me anything, but also to challenge me in another way--by getting SFF short fiction recommendation challenges. I'll let my graphic explain.

Yes, I like making graphics for things. But basically, if you've been wondering if there's a SFF short story out there that includes "lesbians" "whales" and "post-apocalypse" then ARE YOU IN LUCK! (btw, "We Who Live in the Heart" by Kelly Robson). Want "food" "horror" and "magic"? Try "Candy Girl" by Chikodili Emelumadu. Just send me three keywords and I will do my best to find you a short story that fits. I have no idea if this will work but I'm excited to try. To yeah, mark your calendars!

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LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #4: SAY CHEESE AND DIE

[Hi all! Here's a new FREE installment of my ongoing Liver Beware! series of drunk Goosebumps reviews. At first I thought I would do all the odd-numbered reviews, but I think I might just skip around a bit, which means that this isn't review #3 but rather #4. If you enjoy this series or indeed anything that I do at Quick Sip Reviews, become a Patron and you can get access to all the Liver Beware! reviews plus other extras. Anyway, to the review!]

LIVER BEWARE! You're in for a Drunk Review of Goosebumps #1: WELCOME TO DEAD HOUSE

Greetings! As some of you know, I've been running drunk reviews of the original Goosebumps series on my Patreon. It's...lots of fun. Now, six months later, I want to start bringing some of the fun to whole world. As part of unlocking some of my Patreon goals, I will now be releasing all odd numbered Liver Beware! reviews here on QSR after six months Patron-exclusivity. For those who enjoy this series, though, please consider becoming a Patron to gain immediate access to the reviews as they come out as well as full access to all of the liver-destroying goodness. Anyway, that said, let's get to it!

LIVER BEWARE! Graphic Election FINAL ROUND!!!

Okay, we've got our primary winners and are onto the main event! If you have time, please head over to Twitter and like (heart) your favorite. The winner will be my 2017 Liver Beware! graphic. Links are below! Thanks so much and cheers!

The finalists are:

Scaredy-Liver at the Hip Bar

Scaredy-Liver at Octoberfest

Liver Beware Graphic Election! Primary Round 2

Hi all. As many of you know, I have a Patreon. Aside from helping me run Quick Sip Reviews, my amazing patrons also fund some bonus projects, including my personal favorite, LIVER BEWARE! You're in for Drunk Reviews of Goosebumps!

As the name implies, I'm reading the original Goosebumps series by R.L. Stine and then getting kinda sloshed and reviewing the books. So far I've done a bonus, which is available for free, and Goosebumps #1: Welcome to Dead House, which is exclusive to patrons because I appreciate the hell out of them and want to give them something extra for being awesome. I'm shooting for doing #2: Stay Out of the Basement, in December, and then reviewing #s 3-14 in 2017. But I want to change things up a bit. For each review I post a graphic. The current graphic is:

Liver Beware Graphic Election! Primary Round 1

Hi all. As many of you know, I have a Patreon. Aside from helping me run Quick Sip Reviews, my amazing patrons also fund some bonus projects, including my personal favorite, LIVER BEWARE! You're in for Drunk Reviews of Goosebumps!

As the name implies, I'm reading the original Goosebumps series by R.L. Stine and then getting kinda sloshed and reviewing the books. So far I've done a bonus, which is available for free, and Goosebumps #1: Welcome to Dead House, which is exclusive to patrons because I appreciate the hell out of them and want to give them something extra for being awesome. I'm shooting for doing #2: Stay Out of the Basement, in December, and then reviewing #s 3-14 in 2017. But I want to change things up a bit. For each review I post a graphic. The current graphic is:

Quick Bonus - Private Altars

So Sundays are a weird thing. I really need to get a Quick Links together because it's been a while but I don't have the energy at the moment. And Smutty Sundays is totally going to be a thing, but I'm not through anything right now and so that will have to wait as well. Instead, I present a slightly modified poem that appeared in the university arts magazine where I went to school. I actually wrote lots of poetry during college (much more than I write more), but not often SFF poetry. This, however, I think counts. It's kind of funny, actually, how obvious a poem I find this now, but in college I was still not incredibly open with myself or others about anything so no real surprise that I came up with this kind of a poem. But yeah, sorry about being behind on everything. Hopefully you enjoy the poem. Thanks for reading!


Private Altars
by Charles Payseur

at dusk I secret the bricks away
from the edifices of the sun--
one by one,
breath quick and hushed--
and build up my altar,
my house of worship.
hands bleeding, back straining--
it grows like a mountain toward the stars,
like a thorn
poised beneath an unsuspecting finger.
and in the shadow of my work
I sing in a voice
suddenly unafraid,
willing to share with the night
what the sun does not condone--
and I dance, and rage
with feet that dread the day
and stomp the stars
into their beds.
at dawn I tear it down,
brick by brick,
and talk in quiet tones,
timid steps
under the sun's hot gaze,
exchanging quick glances
with everyone--
wondering if they can see
the night in my eyes,
looking for it in theirs.


(I actually also had a story in the same issue that this poem appeared which featured a man who had embezzled a bunch of money and then set fire to his building when the cops showed up for him having a conversation with a duck and it. is. RIDICULOUS! I kind of love it even as it makes me do all the cringes. I like this one part, though, where the duck is trying to convince the guy to fly away. Guy, incredulous, thinks it's impossible, and duck returns with this gem: "You just have to see that up isn't always up. Sometimes, if you look at it closely, up is down, and then all you have to do is fall." I am Team Duck on that one. Slap that on a tee shirt. Anyway, thanks again! More actual reviews tomorrow, I swear!)

Quick Bonus - The Thirteenth Sect

In honor of my Clown: An Unlikely Coulrophobia Remix story, "Pushpin and Pullpin," be available, I figured I would trot out this other piece of clown-based flash that was rejected for the original Coulrophobia call. It made it to round 2 but fell short, and it's proven a bit too difficult to place so I thought I'd just post it here. It's, well, it's rather odd. Very different than "Pushpin and Pullpin," but hopefully good for a chuckle. Enjoy!

Quick Bonus - Wrapped, Waiting

Hi all and merry Christmas! No review today, but I thought I would post this piece of microfiction. Astute readers probably will figure out that this was submitted to the Apex Christmas Invasion Contest, but it was sadly not accepted. That said, I doubt this one stands a snowball's chance of getting sent out elsewhere, so I'm just putting this here as a Christmas Bonus! I hope you enjoy! Be safe out there!

Wrapped, Waiting
by Charles Payseur

They're calling it Christmasland, and why not? It certainly looks the part, a mismatch of every Christmas color, red and green mostly but also blue and gold and silver and things that mean wealth and safety and nostalgia. Scooby-Doo and Grumpy Cat and Norman Rockwell all torn and reformed, a landscape choked in festive jolliness.

There is talk of bombing it, nuking it from orbit, but really? It covers nearly half the continental United States, everything east of the Mississippi, and bombing it would mean bombing our buildings and monuments, our shopping centers and football stadiums.

Some expect parlay, for some word from the conquered lands. From what? A delegation of misfit toys? Maybe from the poor souls who couldn't run fast enough, who found the Chirstmas patterns wrapping their arms and legs, ribbon circling their heads in pristine bows? Those who got out are sure they're all dead, but maybe we'll see them soon enough, Christmas mummies, soldiers of some unknown enemy on the march, looking to expand.

It came from the trash bins. From the unfinished rolls waiting for another year. From the bargain clearance at Walmart. It rose and it covered, fulfilling the purpose we gave it. Maybe it's done. Maybe it's waiting now for us to come in, tear it all down, unwrap our present. Or maybe we'll return only to find another's name on the card, or that when we tear away the paper, nothing remains.

END

Quick Bonus - as always

as always

We wreck ourselves in these still moments
when, storm fled, the choice (as always)
is to let ourselves down to rest,
bandage the broken horns, the bloodied
shoulder where the earth met us
on our way down or
stand,
unsure of our feet,
knowing (as always) that
we might falter now and lose everything;
our pride, our status, our minds,
all in the distance our legs can raise us.

And here is the silent war we wage
not with opposition but (as always)
with fresh wounds and the old ache
of our joints as we move,
the creeping doubt that somehow,
maybe
we were wrong, we are nothing
but voices calling into an empty room
hoping for a response that might (as always)
be our own echo.

It is moments, only, though doubt lingers
and the fear (as always)
grinds at us, mortar and pestle,
blood smeared hands helping us to
stand,
to take stock of ourselves, our injuries,
to find our way back to friends,
neighbors, brothers, sisters,
and you
and I
(as always)

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I wrote this back in 2012 after the unsuccessful recall of Scott Walker here in Wisconsin. I am putting it here because I'm a little drunk and I still like it. I put it on Facebook at the time, so no worry about selling it ever. Just...I thought of this.