Though it’s also difficult at times to not be discouraged about that, too. But then, it’s not new. I’m always reminded of fanfiction when it comes to these kinds of feelings. Full disclosure, I write fanfiction, largely in the very small Suikoden fandom. Which…doesn’t exactly play out like fanfiction does when you’re talking about large and popular fandoms. I do remember people saying that writing fanfiction was a way to get validation and instant feedback, a sense of community where short SFF often lacks that. And yet when I write fanfiction and post it, it’s rarely to the instant feedback and engagement that many people might experience. And it’s because not all fanfiction is equal. There are popular fandoms, and popular pairings and tropes within those spaces. Writing weird fic from a video game series that hasn’t had a new entry in a long time means that I’m lucky to get over a dozen hits, and even one kudos.
Yes, I could probably write for more popular fandoms and get more engagement. But that would sort of defeat the purpose of, well, writing what I want to write. Same with short SFF reviewing. Yes, if I changed *what I covered* and maybe even the way in which I covered it, I might stand a better chance of winning a Hugo. Maybe. The thing is, also maybe not, because while I probably could do a good job of it, it’s not what I really want to be doing, and that might show through. In the effort to chase after greater traction and popularity, I could find myself in the same situation of close but not quite, and I wouldn’t even be enjoying myself as much. So…sigh.
There is always an element of “why aren’t my interests more popular” when navigating fan spaces. That particular sentiment is a huge fuel for online complaints and general toxicity. Yes, I would love if suddenly more people engaged with short SFF and more people suddenly found and really loved what I do. 1000%. But I can’t blame people for liking what they like. Yes, I’d love to win awards. Awards are cool. Yes, I’m occasionally frustrated that I’m not more popular, and in times when I was less financially secure I *really* wanted to be more popular so that could translate into more money and stability. But I do also love doing what I do. If I change things, I want it to be because I am chasing what I love, not what I think will get me an award. If I end up getting an award, I’d rather it because there was finally enough overlap between what I am most passionate about and what resonated with the most people.
I would have loved for Quick Sip Reviews to get an award. For 7+ years it has been a labor of love. But four Best Fanzine nominations on top of three Best Fan Writer nods means that it wasn’t really overlooked. A lot of people really did appreciate it, and I appreciate all of them. All of you. I’m still undecided if I want to throw QSR up for Fanzine next year. I’m still here, and I still put out a lot of reviews in the first part of the year. But honestly I’m more plugged into other things this year, and I’m not sure how I feel about everything.
There are other things to be said about if awards *should be* popularity contests. And honestly, that’s a big and thorny issue, and one that I obviously have a vested interest in. I do think there are different ways of doing things, but not while driving the same kind of engagement that the Hugos offer. And everything has its drawbacks and issues. So…
So the work continues. As always. And sometimes the work changes. For now, I’ll wait for my fifth little rocket pin representing seven times as a finalist. And I’ll wait to see if next year people want to nominate me or my work again. And if I find new projects to launch, or new initiatives to join, I’ll consider that, all while trying to find my way in fan spaces that are sometimes wonderfully accepting, sometimes terribly excluding. And if you find me out there, muddling my way, feel free to stop and say hello. Cheers!
Yes, I could probably write for more popular fandoms and get more engagement. But that would sort of defeat the purpose of, well, writing what I want to write. Same with short SFF reviewing. Yes, if I changed *what I covered* and maybe even the way in which I covered it, I might stand a better chance of winning a Hugo. Maybe. The thing is, also maybe not, because while I probably could do a good job of it, it’s not what I really want to be doing, and that might show through. In the effort to chase after greater traction and popularity, I could find myself in the same situation of close but not quite, and I wouldn’t even be enjoying myself as much. So…sigh.
There is always an element of “why aren’t my interests more popular” when navigating fan spaces. That particular sentiment is a huge fuel for online complaints and general toxicity. Yes, I would love if suddenly more people engaged with short SFF and more people suddenly found and really loved what I do. 1000%. But I can’t blame people for liking what they like. Yes, I’d love to win awards. Awards are cool. Yes, I’m occasionally frustrated that I’m not more popular, and in times when I was less financially secure I *really* wanted to be more popular so that could translate into more money and stability. But I do also love doing what I do. If I change things, I want it to be because I am chasing what I love, not what I think will get me an award. If I end up getting an award, I’d rather it because there was finally enough overlap between what I am most passionate about and what resonated with the most people.
I would have loved for Quick Sip Reviews to get an award. For 7+ years it has been a labor of love. But four Best Fanzine nominations on top of three Best Fan Writer nods means that it wasn’t really overlooked. A lot of people really did appreciate it, and I appreciate all of them. All of you. I’m still undecided if I want to throw QSR up for Fanzine next year. I’m still here, and I still put out a lot of reviews in the first part of the year. But honestly I’m more plugged into other things this year, and I’m not sure how I feel about everything.
There are other things to be said about if awards *should be* popularity contests. And honestly, that’s a big and thorny issue, and one that I obviously have a vested interest in. I do think there are different ways of doing things, but not while driving the same kind of engagement that the Hugos offer. And everything has its drawbacks and issues. So…
So the work continues. As always. And sometimes the work changes. For now, I’ll wait for my fifth little rocket pin representing seven times as a finalist. And I’ll wait to see if next year people want to nominate me or my work again. And if I find new projects to launch, or new initiatives to join, I’ll consider that, all while trying to find my way in fan spaces that are sometimes wonderfully accepting, sometimes terribly excluding. And if you find me out there, muddling my way, feel free to stop and say hello. Cheers!
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