I was going to
write up something about negative reviews this week, but I'm not sure I'm in a
place to think about that in a coherent fashion, so instead I'm going to talk
about King Arthur. And perhaps the joy of liking problematic things. I think
I've gone over some of this, vaguely, when I wrote about fanfiction way back in
the day (so like two months ago?), but here I am again because I've just been
through my probably tenth reading of Le Morte d'Arthur and polished up a nice spreadsheet
of it and I'm left wondering why I spent so much time on this. It's a question
I find myself asking more and more, especially when it feels like I don't have
time, when all I can manage to do is keep up my reviews and maybe squeeze in a
story or two of writing a month.
So time. There
really isn't a lot of it. I will never be able to read all the things I want to
read, that I'd love to read. I will die with so much unread. So why am I
spending time on something that is, admittedly, kind of bad? I have no
illusions about it being some great work of literature. It's entertaining at
times but it's also very misogynist, very Eurocentric, Christian, and white.
And…I wonder at times why I find myself drawn back to the idea of King Arthur,
why I have this elaborate headcanon about it. Because I do. I have this entire
world of things in my head about "my" King Arthur, from knights who
are women crossdressing to pass as men to a whole lot of queer stuff to an
entire altered timeline whereby most of the court was rendered immortal by
drinking from the grail.
I also have no
illusions. All of this is fanfiction. But as I think I've said before, I think
fanfiction plays a vital role for a great many people. Because, when done
right, it erases many of the problematic elements of a work. It creates
something that is good. The main
problem is that there isn't a King
Arthur interpretation that's already as queer and as weird and as robust as I
want it to be (unless I'm missing it). There's Le Morte d'Arthur, which appeals
to the spreadsheet part of my brain. Yes, I know the win-loss-tie outcome for
every battle in that book, have them recorded and compiled. I do power rankings
and I have my favorites. And I have a novel that I'm nearly dying to write that
I just won't let myself pull the trigger on because if I try and fail I don't
know what I'd do.
But the thing
about all of this is that it's not really the source material that I'm in love
with. It's the source material in the context of my headcanon that I love. The
world of King Arthur as I wish it had
been written. But it wasn't. It's not the best of stories. Perhaps not even
a good story at all. And perhaps I'm spending way too much time trying to make
it good when I should be doing things brand new. I know that's a thing leveled
at many who write fanfiction. But there is
something about taking something that could be better, that should be better,
and making that happen. I understand not wanting to let it go. I have a similar
relationship with The Wheel of Time. It's like I want to share in other
people's enjoyment of a thing but can't entirely because it's pushing me out so
I make it mine by writing it
different.
So yes, I am
rather obsessed with Le Morte d'Arthur. Rather a lot obsessed. Do I have an
erotic Arthurian story maybe going to get published at some point? Yes. Do I
have unpublished erotic fanfiction featuring some versions of my headcanon?
Yes. Do I see a problem with that? Mostly not. It's something that gets my
fingers to the keys, something that I love, and that's important and vital. Look
at comic books. What is any mainstream comic if not fanfiction of some original
idea? And now we are finally getting more diverse heroes and a more diverse
comic landscape. So yeah, just a friendly reminder that I'm super into
headcanon and fanfiction. Rant over. Thanks for reading!
All the best,
Charles Payseur
No comments:
Post a Comment